She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
