Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
