he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
