in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
