You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I look better un-naked...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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