to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
