I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
this just has baby written all over it
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
