what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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