I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
