she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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