I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
