so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
