I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
