he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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