Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
