I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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