What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
