I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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