I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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