So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She needs sedatives and a leash
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
