I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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