my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
