we have pet lesbian snakes
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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