I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just threw up on my dentist
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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