We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
