What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
How's work?
Spinning.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
