i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
