is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
