people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
