I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
