i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
