i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
