mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
he thought i was a dude.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
where are my eyebrows?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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