literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
