No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
