Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
