You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
bring money and cleavage
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
