Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
