He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Randomize
