I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
