I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
