Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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