i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
