can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
two words...techno handjob
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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