I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
