Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
