I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
