After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
