if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
