Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
